Wednesday, September 19, 2007

In The Toilet

Obviously, my blog project has sagged under the weight of my world these past few months. Ever since my father died. Not consciously because of his death, although I like to use that as an excuse. According to my therapist brother, we are all depressed. He called me today from the doctor's office where he went to get a prescription for sleeping pills.

If only I could afford to take sleeping pills. But somebody has to get up with the children. My therapist brother has a child, but said child has graduated to the sleeping through the night level. My youngest child has not. Diego was UP at 3:30 a.m. today. Probably because he's sick and can't breathe well enough to sleep. At 4:15, I finally got up with him, so over his bouncing up and down on my body, yacking "la da da da La dadadada, translated as "Ride a Cock Horse to Bambury Cross."

I was nauseous with fatigue for most of the morning.

I look at this blog and I get frustrated. Where am I? I cannot for the life of me get to point B from point A without having to navigate the whole alphabet in between. If this blog is B, I'm still at M. And speaking of B&M, my days are so totally solid with shit.

So that's where I am. In the shit. And I would love some shit-lifting pills.


Ann_Bogle said...

C., I hope your novel writing is going well, and I hope you write it all the way through -- it's very important -- even if it's "for you* or for a folder -- you'll feel very accomplished by it. I hope it's for a pub'r & us. Today (9-19) is the day we had our fight 8 years ago, 8 yrs. after the damned hospital. What does it mean? Who knows, but I went rather relig. at the blog today & quoted the end of my tome. Imagining all the diapers you change each day changes thought of it. Love, AMB

Writes Like A Girl said...

I have been in that place of grief and a kid that won't or can't sleep. My heart goes out to you. I know that there is nothing any one can say to make it better though we really want to. Do try to remember to be kind to you in any way that you can. And might I recommend, when you are up to it, that you read "God Save the Sweet Potato Queens" by Jill Connor Brown. It is a make you cry and laugh til you cry kind of book.

chuck said...

a thing usually unwritten: our blogs can make us feel really weird.

a suggestion: netflix or rent the cartoon Flushed Away, and get a kick out of seeing how being in the toilet can lead somewhere.