Paranoia, Self Destroyer

Today my therapist left a message on my cell phone because Unicare has asked her to release my records. She has NEVER been asked for anyone's records before, she says, and she just doesn't like it. Call her back, she says.

Actually, she has had records summoned before...mine. That was the first time David and I applied for insurance with Unicare, before we were pregnant.

(I can't even THINK about the insurance industry without going feral. Did you know that pregnancy is a pre-existing condition in Texas? and if you don't have insurance you WON'T get it if you're pregnant. There's just no way. Don't even try, Missy, as the Blue Cross Blue Shield insurance rep told me. "And you know why?" he asked. "It's all Hillary Clinton's fault.")

I call my therapist back and she answers. I remind her that when the insurance asked for my records before, she called them and refused on principle to release my records. The principle being, I think, that my pyschological state is not necessarily linked to my physiological state. Ahem.

"They can't summon records!" she says indignantly. "Not unless they're subpoenaed."

What the fuck does she have in there?

I ask her to please refuse to release my records, and she adds, "Yes. You don't want your records out there, especially in times like these."

Am I a revolutionary? Or, what.

* * *

News Flash: The 10 o'clock Channel 13 News is reporting on Mad Cow Disease. The only craving I consistently indulged while pregnant with Clara was BEEF.

The reporter just read the laundry list of symptoms; top of the list: Paranoia.

This is happening in real time, people.

May we have Health; may we have Safety; may we have Love; may we have Joy; may we have Peace.

Please. Seriously.
* * *


These are sinful times.


Just now, I am watching 20/20, typing, too. I have an open word document up on the screen, to check spellings and definitions as I type these blogwords. When I tile to the open doc to type what I'm hearing, I see the word S I N F U L blazing solo on the white page.

My breasts had opened up with open sores about this wide in width." – "Tammy" from 20/20, imitating the width of a quarter with her fingers.

Tammy has a history of infection after surgery, even at home. -- voice over of black lady reporter on 20/20.

One question, Tammy: Why you having surgery at home? Oh! Maybe it's because you don't have I N S U R A N C E.

I don't think that's what the lady announcer means -- the part about Tammy having surgery at home -- but the modifier is misplaced.

I'm an English teacher, too.

"Young people out there, enjoy your youth. Because beauty, sadly with age, fades….But not vanity." -- Jon Stossel, 20/20 reporter.

20/20 is running a series about "The Seven Deadly Sins." Tonight's Clown: Vanity.

"From Medieval Times, Vanity was a sin..."

I hope y'all have read Dr. Faustus by Christopher Marlowe and The Canterbury Tales by Geoffrey Chaucer, especially if you're watching things like ABC's 20/20.

Now my favorite part of t.v.: the drug commercial. "Do not use sleep medicines for an extended period of time without talking to your doctor” -- ad for Unesta

Isn't that sort of saying, do not commit suicide without talking to your doctor?

Oh, I see why my records shouldn't be out there.

* * *


News Flash: "The baby born in the parkinglot is doing fine." -- Channel 13 News.