Bathtime

When I was in third grade, I innocently admitted to my teacher, a Franciscan nun, that my mom gave me and my brothers our baths together, all three of us in the same tub. Sr. Mary Roch's already sheet white face pinched itself up like she was sucking down a whiskey sour. "Oh how TERRIBLE," she exclaimed. "You must stop that at once, and you must tell your mother to come to school with you tomorrow so that I can talk to her about this."

My mother was pissed! "What do those repressed, frigid nuns know about having kids?" she said. "Do they have any idea how hard it is to give children SEPARATE baths?" I had no idea, so I insisted on my separate bath because it was what Jesus would want me to do, have my own bath so that I could remain pure forever.