Hot Mama

My parents divorced in 1987, but before they did, they were married 21 years. Their wedding anniversary was October 3, and sometimes on that day my mother would put on her wedding dress and greet my father in it when he came home. I remember one time watching her put on her makeup, do her hair. Then she put on her wedding dress. "Ha!" she crowed, "it still fits! How do you like THEM apples?"

My mother used sayings like "how do you like them apples," and she would use them at weird times. She'd say "Brother, can you spare a dime?" Only she'd say it like, "Oh Brother! Can you spare a dime!" Like "Geeze! Get a load of that!"

One of her more obscure sayings -- "Are you nervous, Harry?" -- she'd use at times when no one was nervous and no one was Harry.

My mom is a self described girl-next-door type. Her name, Mary Jane, might be the most girl-next-store name a girl can be named.

To me, of course, she's one of the most beautiful women in the world. All the beneficent superlatives apply: most generous, most caring, affectionate, loving, sweet, funny, supportive, inspring women in the world.

Thank you, Universe.